TVF Bachelors: S3E4 Bachelors vs Marriage II ft. Chote Miyan, Shivankit, Badri, Jassi & Anandeshwar

The time for sacrifice is here. Listen? Be aware of groom's sisters-in-law
and the girls with green stoles. Best of luck, Lakadbaggha,
we can't stop now. Hey, who are you? Sir, I am Jassi's friend. Close friend? Quite close! Sir, Alfaaz. Don't you know the protocol that close friends don't come
to weddings carrying gifts, but empty-handed like loafers. Uncle Janam, he says he's Jassi's
close friend, he has brought a gift too. Who does this? Where are you from, dear? Just here, uncle, street#13. Me and Jassi are childhood friends,
we have been close since then. But dear, you will have
to prove that you are Pakistani. First prove that you are Pakistani,
uncle Sanam Janam. See, my butterfingers,
how I dropped such an easy catch.

This is the proof
of me being a Pakistani. Now it's your turn. 152! Gotta give it to you, dear, you are a native. Anyway, are you a bachelor too? Yes. Don't you worry. If God wants, even you will be sitting
on the horse quite soon, like Jassi. If you are such a
close friend of Jassi's, won't you distribute his wedding cards? Lakadbaggha, there will be some moments where you will have to
let go of your morals and values. I know it's painful,
but it's important for the mission. Where did you go in
the flashback, my son? Distribute the cards,
where are the cards? Here, keep these cards. Uncle Sanam Janam pullled
you in with his words, too? Bowling at 152 km per hour
must have tired you. Here, have some juice. This is Zoya, she will be your co-passenger in
the journey of distributing cards. Well, what are we staring at here? Come, let's go inside, let's play house.

Keep an eye on them, even the local
boys have started pitching in 150 now. And yorker on top. I will just serve this juice to others, then we will go on
to distribute the cards. No, no, let's do this, Will you eat this tray and glasses too,
or should I go to wash them? You go and wash them. BRRAW has started hiring
amateur bachelors now. What rubbish? I mean, what's this orthodox… words? Neither did you work on your Urdu before
coming here, nor on your bowling speed. Bowling speed? 152 km/hr. Should I break Shoiab's record,
that too in Pakistan? I don't want to be thrashed. Speed was 90km/hr. This is what UG bowls, when he's angry. Thank me that I hacked the
speedometer and made it to 152. Else you would have been caught.

Who are you? Jassi's uncle, I am a BRRAW sleeper cell agent, who
is been in YSI since the last 5 years. And Lakadbaggha, when the time comes, our undercover agent
there will help you, okay? You are again going in a flashback? I won't be able to help you everytime. And f****r, why did you bring
a gift to your friend's marriage? This is on the character who
shows opposite to bachelor's traits. You didn't get me, uncle. That box is empty,
it was trick to bring the gift. So YISI themselves would
take me to uncle Sanam Janam, and I will be able to see the man who has never been seen
by any BRRAW agent in India. – And this bowling speed?
– That was a trick too, uncle.

So that I can see the agent
working fro BRRAW, staying in YISI. Nice meeting you, uncle. And Urdu? – That too was a trick…
– Oh please, don't teach your father. Okay Google, play Ingi Bhai. How did you know that
I standing behind you? A true agent can always
find his enemy in a mirror. Shit, mom cleared the mirror again. Who are you and what
do you want from me? Lakadbaggha, I have come
to take you to India, BRRAW agent. But it's also possible that
you are here to put turmeric on me, disguised as Lakadbaggha. There's no guarantee in Pakistan, someone will take their mask
off and reveal they are someone else. Once, Danisk Kaneri removed his mask
to show it was Yousuf Yohane inside. How can I believe
that you are BRRAW agent? Now do you believe me that
I am Lakadbaggha, BRRAW agent? It will be clear right away. Now you are trapped, you loser. Lakadbaggha Kumar. That's me. Please forgive me,
I couldn't recognize you. I want to go to my house. Dude, this is your house, you loser.

I want to go to my Bombay house. By the way, why are you dressed
like Nawaz Bhutto Afridi Shareef Khan? There's no time to go in that, Jassi. We will leave for India tonight,
at 2:30 AM. Husna will pick us up, at 12 midnight. Keep your bags ready, and listen,
no carelessness, from any side. – Okay?
– Come, let's go. And why have you tied all these stoles? If you hadn't come today, When you did tie the stoles, you could have put it outside the
window, get down and run.

What's the need of making a noose? Yeah, exactly. Oh my! Bro, you are a genius,
what are you doing in Pakistan? You should be doing Money Heist, man. F***, I,…, I mean… F***. Nawab Bhutto Afridi Shareef Khan,
you are here? And I searched the entire
Lahore looking for you. – Won't you go to distribute the cards?
– Yes, please. – Let's go.
– Let's go. Let's go. I heard it right,
it's the mating season for hyenas. 'Bismil, Bismil, glittering, shining, flowers make the garden,
and what better flower than rose? – Hey, was my couplet so over-the-top,
that you came on top? – Shutup. Why did you agree
to distribute the cards? You call yourself Jassi's friend, but you do even know how much YISI is
humiliating him and my friend, Nimrat? Why do bachelors get so overexcited
at the Punjabi weddings? They flock in like loafers, to eat, smile, stare at girls,
and then have Shilajit…

1 second, you are getting me wrong. I came here to rescue Jassi
from the wedding and take him to India. Here, see.
The tickets for 2:30 AM tonights. From Lahore Airport, gate no 10. And there will be no
announcement at the airport. Because it's a silent airport. I am so sorry, I am so sorry. See, I had no idea that
there's an airport in Pakistan. Yeah, strange. And you know,
I came to stop the wedding too. I am Nimrat's friend, from Amritsar. And Zoya's my undercover name,
my real name is Shabana. My name is Lakadbaggha. And my real name, Lakadbagghu. Greetings. Are you truly a BRRAW agent? A true BRRAW agent will never
confess that he's a BRRAW agent. And plans, does he reveal that?
'Silent Airport'? You have to be an intern at BRRAw. Not an intern.

If I were an intern, I would have also told you that Husna
will pick us up at midnight. And this is not my gun, but my sprayer. Holi! You wanna go for a casual walk? Who's this now? It wasn't so special either. What the f***? When did you come here? I have been here since night. Hello? Lakadbagghe, you loser, Jassi kept waiting for you
the whole night last night. Let me remind you Lakadbaggha,
you are an Indian spy. Not the son of James Bond who will rush off to have sex,
the first night of the mission. We too work on field, we never got sex. – Did you?
– No, I… Sir, only from top. He's lying sir,
his hands are still tied with rope. Oh f***, this kinky. I want you back in Mumbai tonight,
with Jassi. Because me and Badri are not
going to share Jassi's rent this month.

Husna, make their return tickets. 1 second, how can I get the tickets?
It's month-end here, sir. We have the same calendar, dude.
Is he a loser or what? Fine, I will do something. I hope Husna will find a way out. Meanwhile,
keep your eyes on Lakadbaggha. Sure sir. – Go fast, go fast, come on, God damnit.
– Yeah, sir. Uncle Sanam Janam,
last night was a failure. But tonight, Lakadbaggha will try to get
Jassi out again, with the aid of Husna. This wedding has to be done. Don't you worry.
Zoya will handle Lakadbaggha. We will thrash Husna's ass. You just get ready to attend
the marriage in Pakistan. And yes, do get the Misalpao
from Goregaon on your way, I am craving for it. I will also get extra pao. You are always doing some
rescue operation or the other, even now, you are here to catch
terrorist in the name of the shoot. Please do something for
our Indian bachelors too.

You must have some arrangement
for ticket, Akii bro? Your ask can be fulfilled, ask Jassi to go to the airport. My ticket is already booked,
and ask him to collect from there. But yes, I have a condition,
listen carefully. Only I should get the credit
for the entire mission, with moustache. Because I do comedy without moustache, and I save the nation with moustache on. But if Jassi goes on your tickets,
how will you go? You catch the small details, huh Chotu? I will just hang there, man. Sir, your shot is ready. That's all fine, but do you want a pad? Okay. Here. – Thank you, sir.
– Oh sorry, not this one. Not this one, not this one, this one. There's a toilet there,
you can go and change, and enjoy and turn the
tap off when done, okay? Should I go too sir, with moustache? Are you still here, with moustache,
eating on my screen-time? Scram, scram! Is my moustache fine? Brother, India's weather is
becoming so bad, right? Not just weather sir, there are no jobs.

We are swatting mosquitoes here,
mosquitoes. There's no freedom of expression,
she's not allowed to roam at night. Who closes the hostel at 8, man? – We want…
– Freedom. – Freedom of..
– Expression. – Freedom for…
– Dreaming. – Freedom for.
– Preeti. – We want..
– Freedom. – We will take our.
– Freedom. I don't want freedom, man.
I want tickets to Pakistan, my friend's getting married over there. To hell with your ticket. #Expression, #Preeti. – #Sneha, #Anjali.
– Freedom for Preeti. – #Sanjana.
– Freedom for Jyoti. – Freedom to
– Roam around.

I made a huge mistake last night. Lakadbaggha,
don't you do anything stupid. Zoya, I want to tell you something. Atleast turn off your phone first. Yeah. Zoya, after last night,
I realized, that I, want to be in a live-in with you.
We will watch shows together. We will fight, slap each other, but we won't get married. But I am Kabir Singh fan,
only you will slap me. Fine. Pick up the phone, damn-it. I should take some water,
I may be thirsty on the way. Dhapaak! Son, I have been
YISI chief for 72 years. I know very well that in every
agent's house, there's a backdoor. Losers, what are you laughing at,
go catch him. Get him married. God is great, God is great. What a man! – Sir, tip?
– F*** off, God-damnit. You are not getting a tip. F***, F***, F***, God-damnit, F***. How did the YISI know about Husna? He even talked with Akki
brother and arranged the tickets. Akki brother agreed too, with moustache. God-damnit! It just happened to 1 now, the
remaining 2 will face it soon as well.

Wasn't this written in the note, which was sent by uncle Sanam Janam,
which you just read? Right, right, correct, correct. But you loser,
I read it silently, how did you hear it? I randomly guessed your thoughts. Oh? Then guess it randomly,
what figure am I thinking, tell me? – Tell me.
– 69. Correct, sorry brother Badri. I doubted you without no reason. What else, this was wrong,
you shouldn't doubt me like this. – But scoundrel…
– Yes, yes, yes. I was the one who informed uncle Sanam
Janam that Lakadbaggha is in Pakistan. And I was the one who
tipped him about Husna too. What? Badri f***r, I was going to ask if you will have Maggi today
or stay empty-stomach? But you shit the bed, man. Why Badri, why? Why? Because you and Lakadbaggha
stay peacefully in your 3BHK rooms. But me, I share it with that Jassi, man. Just spend 1 day with Jassi. I never felt my room to be a room.

It felt as if someone
threw me into a dustbin. I am quite happy since he left,
quite happy. My room is clean, I can even see my bed. I thought if he got married,
he will have some responsibility, man. That's why I… I… Badri f***r, did you even think
who will pay Jassi's share of rent? First BB left, then Jeetu, both left us. And then, due to you,
Lakadbaggha's bachelorhood is in danger. And he will leave too, after marriage. Where will you get your
famous room-mates from? Do you have that capability?
Can you get famous room-mates? Such Roommates whose arrival does not
have to buy ration. So that we don't have to pay the
electric or the telephone bill, so that we get few views on the video, tell me, can you get the views, f***r? Tell me, why did you do this then? Shit, shit, I am sorry man.

I am sorry. O typical spy betrayal scene,
God damnit. We have to save Lakadbaggha. That Girl with the green stole,
she's dangerous. What? God-damnit! Yes chief, what's the plan?
Are tickets ready? I am telling you in advance,
I want food and beverage too. You dick, will you listen to me first? Your tickets will be
ready at the airport tonight. But Husna is no more… a bachelor. What the f***? When did this happen? There's no time for that, this is what's going to happen
to you and Jassi tonight as well.

pexels photo 6953881

The girl with you,
she's YISI's bomb-shell, Zoya. Uncle Sanam knew everything about you,
she's there to marry you. Zoya was all plant, God-damnit. Sir, sir,
what's the colour of this stole? Sir, this is a green stole,
are you colour blind? I was looking for it for so long,
it will go great on me. Thank you, sir. Beware of groom's sisters-in-law
and the girls in green stole. Zoya? Where are those wedding cards? Here, somewhere. Let me look for it. They were here itself. I can't find them. How will you find them,
as you distributed them already. Who are you? Who are you? For the first time in
my spy-career of 20 years, first time, I got the Bond, James
Bond feeling and you wrecked everything. All that love,
live-in promises, Kabir Singh's slap, orgasm, was anything a truth? Or was it all fake, Zoya?
Was it all a fake? 1 second, what's this? What's this? So this was your plan? To blow me off with
this bomb called marriage? You came here to drench me in turmeric? I was just doing my duty, Lakdu.

Just like you. And spending time with you, even I started feeling
that I don't want to get married. The moment I stepped out of my college,
YISI brainwashed me. I felt that the only aim of my life, is marriage, and only marriage. I was wrong. Don't lie. Trust me, Lakdu. Okay, I trust you. But if that's the truth,
help me take Jassi to India., Stop smoking. Son, your game is over now. Uncle Sanam, you can't get me married. Put your weapons down or you
won't be able to get her married either. I will tweet that she's
a career-oriented girl. Dear, I will say that
her career is in slam-poetry. Put your weapons down or I will tweet
that she had 6 boyfriends in college. Dear, our Zoya is from all-girls school, none will bloody believe you. Put your weapons down,
or I will tweet that she's lesbian. Hey dear, that's wrong, that's a sin. There, sweating up
the rainbow taboo sweat. I will tweet, don't come close.
I will tweet. Where are you going in this parade? I will tweet, move aside.

God-damnit. Go, catch him. Dear, be vigilant,
Lakadbaggha can come here from anyside. Be vigilant. Tell me something dear,
till mask, it's okay. But how did you change your complexion,
height, age? What are you asking me for?
Go and ask the writer of War and Don. Don? Brother Dawood? You have a writer?
Are you getting your biography done? I have no writer,
I am writing my autobiography. Caught you. Don is scared,
Don got scared, Don got scared. You slipped from my hands that day, when
you ran away from Miandad's marriage. But none can save you from me today. Everybody, hands up. Not you dear, come here. See this. Come closer. Yeah, none will come in between,
come, come with me. Come. Don't throw flowers,
there's no groom here. Move to the side, come, come, come. 1 minute. What's in the bag? Deo, Grenade, M4-16. Stop. Useless, shameless,
Raza Murad, don't you have any shame? And then you fight me, eye-to-eye? Who takes deo on the Airport? You are the one who brings
shame to the nation, you greedy man.

Greetings. This is.. Shit. YISI seems close. – Brother-in-law?
– Yeah, sister-in-law, we will go. Okay. Sir? Sir, where are your shoes? – I have asked for a boon.
– It won't be granted. How won't it be granted? Sir, Salookh sir has 3 kids. If I could fulfill boons,
I would fulfill his, why yours? Stop being so stupid. O sir, I am talking about
the boon I asked from God. That the day I return to India,
from Pakistan, I will do it empty-foot. Oh, you will go empty-footed? God be willing, your convincing
power is quite good, I am convinced. Come here, hey. Come. – Sir, if you…
– 1 second, dude. First you stop calling me sir. Call me Paaji, Veerji or Ryan Gosling. Oh? – Come here.
– Sir, sir, sir? Come here. Dude, Jassi?
Jassi? Didn't you recognize me? Street#13,
we used to go to school together. Aseem Wakram, you? Come here, dude. How are you, Aseem Wakram? – How's your left arm?
– Good.

It keeps swinging. You tell me, you look quite tensed. I wanted a small help. Sir, sir, it's an airport after all,
I will have to search you. Turn around. Sir, you can't go now, you
will have to strip off this Sherwani. This needs to be scanned,
and then you can go. Have you gone mad? Why will
he need to strip off the Sherwani? Sir, when you speak, then you speak. Sir, this has a weird thread,
which is very harmful for your health. Please come here,
it will be 2 minutes and done. – Come, come. – What, are you Afghani?
Behaving like this? I will hit you with this, be quiet.

Open this button, the top one. 'Passengers, I want to tell you
that this airport was built by my aunt.' 'But I don't get along
with her quite well,' 'so we didn't exchange any
gifts for Eid this year, thank you.' Sir, can I sit on the window seat?
I feel pukish. Even I am pukish, 100, 99, 98, 97… 96, 95, 94, 92… Damn, this is why thieves
like you are caught so easily. By that, he means, Z, Y, X, V, W, U… Right sir? No, no problem. Please wait for 2 minutes. As I have to go instantly
for instant weddings, that's why I have
no time to change, sir. – Let me go.
– No problem, sir, God is great, and so are you.
Take this off tool. – Take this off to?
– Yes, take this off too. Hold it from down. Not me,the kurta.
You should better eat more nuts.

you only need to hold the Kurta. 'Due to some traffic congestion,
we are delayed by 5 minutes.' Traffic congestion? There's just one airport in the entire
Pakistan, what traffic congestion? 'Brother, don't be so curious, the plumber
brothers are still making the runway.' – Excuse me, miss?
– Yes, sir? Can I get a glass of Kashmiri Kahwa? You can't find any
Kashmiri thing here, sir. – Hurry up.
-Careful, careful. Now, we will leave. Just 2 minutes, sir. Take
this off too and then leave happily. That man is running away there,
I will rip his beard off. Sir, please try and understand.

When speak, then speak. It's just a matter of 2 minutes,
it will be done right away. Sir, as you are not sitting
on the emergency exit, what language are you comfortable with,
for the instructions? Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu or Anglish? – Anglish.
– But I am comfortable in Punjabi. That too, specially, Punjabi wedding. By the way,
you would look great as a groom. You must be cold, without shoes.
Your shoes! You are YISI sister-in-law? – I will f*** you up.
– I do apologize, just take this off, and we will be done. – Please carry one.
– Let's go inside, sir.

Give me money, take the shoes. 'Sir, sister-in-law is half wife,
give it to her, as a token of love.' Give it to her, give it. You should never mess with
sisters-in-law, they are explosive. Please return me 100. This is very low. Madam, my shoes are worth 250. 'No sir, this is very less.' 'The plumber brother has made the runway' 'and is in the cock-pit,
ready to fly the plane.' 'Please hurry up, brother.
We are getting late.' Thank you, Dawood sir. Madam, my shoes? Thank you sir, have a safe flight,
sit tight.

Thank you. Half-wife. Idiot, stupid. Don't ever show me your face.
Hit him hard. Go to Kuwait. I will put it in your a*** and scan it. Am I a plane? Am I a bird? No, I am Khiladi Kumar. Let's go. Dude Badri,
has your underwear shrunk again? That's Arun's underwear. Man, who is this Reena? She has been messaging me for 10 days, that Jassi, let's meet.
Jassi, let's meet. I mean, have some f***g standards. You know,
how risky the girls are now-a-days? I get scared walking the streets alone.

And they are like, let's meet.
She doesn't even… So, how are you? You took a long time, chief, to find me. Lakadbaggha, you f***g traitor? Traitor? You are forgetting chief,
'Jeetenge Jassi' was a success. Just because Winning
Jassi was a success, doesn't mean you will get married. And Lakadbaggha, why?
You were our best agent. I know chief.

Living with a girl 24-7,
365 days a year is very difficult, our privacy will be lost. Ofcourse. That's not true. After working with Zoya on the mission,
I realized I am as comfortable
with her as I am with you. She even gives me the space I need. Just move, are you crazy or what? Do you know, in the market, there
are 380 flavours of only body wash. And 369 are made of real fruits. God hasn't even made
these many fruits, chief. And skin-care is not a myth,
it's a reality. And the most exciting thing,
you won't believe, there are different soaps for washing
hands, face, clothes and utensils. Can you believe it, chief? What? I am so happy with Zoya, I
can't tell you chief, I can't tell you. Move away. Okay, enough with these empty words. If you are truly daring,
come for the party tonight.

Bring 2 bottles of Young-monk, okay? Done. But I won't bring cigarettes and snacks. Please loser, bring them please. Do you have anything?
No? There's nothing, please get it. Yeah chief, today's evening
is dedicated to you guys. These bangles are so red. And this stole is pink, so pink! And my pretty Zoya, so pretty! Okay, listen.
Chief, Jassi, Badri called, saying, you are married,
won't you treat us? I said, okay, sure, a little. I was thinking, a little…. I will go. Yeah, sure. – Why are you asking me?
– What? Wifey, don't say like that,
say it lovingly. Yeah, go. After all, who am I to you? Baby, why are you getting angry?
Just say it lovingly. Get lost. They are my friends,
they want a treat for wedding. Just go man, go, go. Why are you even asking me? Anyway, your presence or absence,
doesn't matter at all. My life isn't even so great. You get up, start playing PS. And I, keep waiting, then, you are on the call for hours,
and I wait some more. And then I feel, okay, now
I will spend some moments with my life.

But no, and now, you want to drink with your
friends and dance on Chikni Chameli? And I will stand here,
yelling, come here, come here. Lakdu, baby, didn't you say, – What? – A bachelor is the
one who isn't married. And once a bachelor is married,
he doesn't stay a bachelor anymore. He doesn't, doesn't! See, henna, of your name. Even the colour hasn't faded yet, and
you are talking of leaving me and this. Didn't you say, the colour
of cap and curtain should match. When will we plan that?
We have so much left to plan.

Just 2 hours,
I will be gone for just 2 hours. Just 2. Just. Go. Go to hell. Don't touch me. You are the most useless, shameless man. I don't want to humiliate myself anymore,
I am just fed up of you. Just go. Go, go, go. Get lost. My phone….

As found on YouTube

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