Surviving ADHD Burnout | ADHD Nerds Podcast, Ep. 2

I think I've been in the burnout cycle continuously my whole entire life and I've I've seen little pieces of like peace and calm which is the in-between burnout but it's very small it's very short and I'm right back in Burnout again all right Trina thank you so much for being here today it's great to have you on the podcast I thought we would start just by asking what's your history like with ADHD when did you first find out that you had it or you know get that inkling that you might have it what does that origin story look like for you well first of all thank thank you for having me on I'm really happy to be here um my origin story is I'm pretty new to ADHD so I was diagnosed last year so 2021 I'm a baby with ADHD um but that being said I have kind of a long history with it as like my sister has been telling me for years that I had ADHD and I just kind of ignored it but it kind of came about when I moved last year I moved about eight hours away and I started a new job and I was really struggling at my job so a job that I was kind of perfect it like checked all the boxes for me it was the right pay the right career the right flexibility it like all the boxes were checked but I was like majorly struggling at work so I ended up going to therapy to like deal with this because I was having panic attack which were kind of new I have anxiety turns out and my therapist I was really lucky my therapist has ADHD so she recognized it in me immediately and referred me out so that's kind of how I got started with ADHD there's a little bit more that goes into that my sister that kept saying I had ADHD she also has Ms so she has multiple sclerosis so I thought I had Ms like that's how that's how my brain was messing with me so much like I had so many concerns about like how things were functioning that I thought I don't have ADHD I have multiple sclerosis right so I actually went got a brain scan right before therapy started and my neuro what are they called the neurologist who did my MRI said you don't have MS but have you ever thought about ADHD really that's so interesting yeah I've never heard of that happening from a brain scan going that way yeah that's really interesting yeah I mean he didn't like like sounds a little bit more like uh ADHD so um it was kind of the combination of like going in to get tested for Ms and finding out that I didn't have it and then going to therapy and my therapist has ADHD and then all the pieces started coming together there was also Instagram reels that I was like really mad connecting to so it was like all of this all of that happened in the same month basically and so light bulb moment um when I got diagnosed so yeah that's pretty much it that's pretty much that's interesting so your sister had been suggesting it does she have ADHD she does so she so she so what I was seeing from her and relating to was not Ms it was ADHD so the pieces make sense now I just thought there's no way I have ADHD I I thought that ADHD was for little boys when I was in school like this isn't something that adult women have and so I clearly have MS like it can't be ADHD it has to be you know something different in my brain so I was on the right path like something is going on in there um but I did miss the mark for quite a while right right once you once you got your diagnosis did any particular stories like looking back really jump out as obvious kind of ADHD moments for you so many yeah mostly school I really struggled in um middle and high school and college like I I did not graduate college I barely graduated high school um just the job hopping I have been like a Serial job hopper for ever um just never satisfied at work and really struggling to get work done and those those two things were probably my biggest ones but also like I lose my keys and I put a pan of bacon in the oven and leave the house like I that's right yeah like uh that's why I thought I had Ms I thought those were like Ms related symptoms so I thought like oh I'm clumsy because of Ms like I was pretty convinced that I had Ms so I was a little shocked when they said no I'm like well what what could it be so very interesting very interesting turn of events yeah that's funny you you say the uh job hopping I I think I've had I was trying to count recently I think I've had over 30 jobs which is pretty wild and I think that's super common with people with ADHD we kind of jump around trying to you know we're trying to find that thing that seems to fit because we know something's not fitting and we kind of jump into a job that we're excited about like you were saying your new job you thought it was a really good fit and you thought it was going to work and then for some reason those symptoms kind of crop up and then we get bored or we get Restless or something really just sort of like thwarts our efforts to make that job work and then we jump to another job and like maybe this is going to be the solution that's that's been the biggest part of my life is like trying to figure out the job thing and like why am I not satisfied anywhere why am I struggling at this and it came to a head last year when I found myself in the perfect role for me and I thought okay this is the role you've been looking for your whole life this is like the perfect role what it why are you still like this like what is the problem why are you still struggling so um I I was having a lot of negative self-talk like beating myself up like why can't you just make this job work like what is wrong with you like a really negative towards myself which is which led to the anxiety and the panic attacks let me fast track to now my therapist kind of walked me through like I actually left that job it was not it was not as good as I thought it was like it was kind of toxic for me and it was it wasn't a good place for me to be so yeah things have changed a lot since I got diagnosed and now I have my ADHD Community which is like a big deal for me so I'm reevaluating everything all the time right yeah so let's talk about that you since getting diagnosed you really have jumped in it yeah like community and online advocation you know I've I found you from your Instagram and you do lots of like fun reels and all that sort of stuff what led you in that direction yeah really weird I had a friend her name is Julie cafeteller and I have no idea how to spell her last name but she does relationship coaching on Instagram and she has a really good following and we kind of grew up together and I thought you know is she doing really well at this like I wonder if there's an ADHD Community out there like I had no idea right there was a community so I was like oh I looked and I found a couple but there weren't a ton and I want to say you were one of the first that I found there wasn't like a lot and so I thought well I could do this I could probably start real if I'm pretty funny I feel like I'm funny which most ADHD people do think they're pretty funny but we are most ADHD people are funny so I think yeah we are I think we're quick witted and we're very creative and funny so um it's a natural fit for me I've started many an Instagram page many a website uh in my lifetime just chasing that career but this was kind of different for me as far as like this was for me to start this wasn't like oh I'm gonna make a career out of this this was like I need a community to relate to because I'm struggling to relate to anyone at all and then just people came out of the Woodworks apparently there's a lot of us right yeah it's funny I kind of feel similar I you know started sharing my own content about ADHD about a year ago and just sort of talking on like what I've learned and what my experience is and I think the key word that you mentioned there like Community is really what it feels like you know there's content creators that talk about their audience and it never really feels like an audience to me in ADHD like it really feels like a family yeah yeah it's there's so such a family community aspect yeah I have the craziest like Epiphany last night I was talking to my husband about this and I was like the ADHD Community is not like the weightlifting community on Instagram it's not the makeup it's not the jewelry it's like we need each other like we like we actually need each other to validate what has been happening and so like everyone in this community is so grateful for each other so it's like a different level of social media that I don't know if I've seen before where people are like thank you for being here I need this content like this means a lot to me my boyfriend's gonna follow you so that he understands me my husband's gonna follow you so that he understands me like it's creating more of like a understanding of yourself through other people and it's very unique I don't know of another Community online that's that is like this yeah for sure I I hear the same thing from people that say I'm following you so I can better understand my husband or wife or child or something like that and yeah there's just so many I think when you have ADHD especially if you're diagnosed late you've gone through so much of your life feeling alone and not knowing why like you just a lot of people will say like oh there's you know think of it like I have weird quirks with my brain or like for me I thought there were family quirks I was like well my dad's like this and my brother's like this no one else I know is like this but it must just be weird family quirks and then come to find out it's like oh my entire family my my mother my father brother and sister we all have ADHD and so that's why we have all these family quirks they're actually ADHD symptoms but because that like I think so many people that have ADHD grow up and they just feel alone and they feel weird and different and they can't explain why they're like I know my brain is different than other people but I don't like it doesn't really make sense why and now that for all the good and bad or whatever with social media like it's allowing people with ADHD to discover each other and find out like hey I'm not weird there's a lot of people struggling the same way I am and it's not just like you know it's not the moral failing that so many people around me said when I was growing up because there was behavior that I couldn't explain and no one else could explain either other than saying that I was being lazy or selfish or you know stubborn or whatever it was and yeah the online community has really helped us to discover like hey there's there's more going on here and I can be accepted with these other people that get me that really like a lot of the jokes that you know people will post with ADHD that you know from within the community it's like people neurotypical people on the outside kind of like don't really get it a lot of the time um like I'll say something you know I talked with my wife and she's not an ADHD and she's had a fun lesson of figuring that out because at least one of our kids says ADHD and we she's diagnosed and our other two we suspect also have ADHD so she's kind of having to figure out this whole wild world she didn't necessarily know that she was signing up for when we got married um but and she's been great figuring that out oh poor woman yeah so the point is like sometimes I'll say something to her like I'm gonna post this thing about this kind of common thing with ADHD and she's like is that a thing that does not make any sense to me and I'll be like oh I don't know I'll find out and sure enough yeah I didn't respond and say like oh this is show me or you're calling me out or whatever yeah yeah sometimes I'll post one and I'm like you know I don't know if this is a me thing or an everybody thing but I think it is and I'll wait and sure enough it's like everyone's like this is me and you're like it's validating me like I I get more out of the Instagram page than they do and I tried to explain like people will say thank you thank you thank you and I'm like no literally thank you like you just validated the craziness in my head like this these aren't character flaws this is it's it's a quirk I guess but it's like we're all feeling these things so it's it's validating for me so that's why I started the page that's why I continue to do the page it's it's a selfish selfish reason is because I get a lot out of it personally um yeah I feel the same way and the dopamine I mean it helps a little bit like I get both yeah yeah like getting that validation a lot of the times the stuff I post I'm just like I don't know if this is just a weird me thing and it's like oh oh nope that's another ADHD thing because everyone's kind of jumping on board and yeah getting the the dopamine definitely is a driver to uh keep doing that another thing I'd love to talk to you about go ahead I'm not gonna lie I'm not gonna lie I have posted stuff where I'm like this is probably everyone and then no one likes it and I'm like oh right okay okay all right that was just me I'm gonna delete that yeah there's a little bit of that uh finding that line I think when I when I was diagnosed with ADHD I went through a little bit of like Personality Crisis what is me and what is the ADHD and I wrote an article about that like I am ADHD because I feel so much of it is just who I am M but yeah there is there is those moments of discovering like oh okay that one thing that is just a weird weird me thing which is yeah which is great to find that out because I'm like okay that can be a weird me thing and that's cool because then it shows I'm more than just ADHD despite how you know important ADHD is to how my brain works right yeah right and a little extra than the normal ADHD person so it is nice to like own something that's your court that's not related to the ADHD world so you know we are all still individuals even though we have ADHD which is important to remember right yeah for sure uh so I want to ask you about you've been posting content recently about ADHD burnout and I think this is a really important topic for people with ADHD I know I kind of experienced I recently was talking about how I I feel like a lot of the time my process for I don't know managing projects or whatever is I feel like I'm juggling chainsaws and when it feels like everything's about to come crashing down my solution is to like add more chainsaws like it's like oh no this feels like I'm like reaching the end or I'm starting to get bored of this or something and so I got to make it more exciting and then I just start adding more chainsaws to the show and then it's just like chaos um I'd love to hear uh what you think about ADHD burnout and what that's been like for you we are the same reaching the end of a burnout cycle right now and so I'm trying to like prevent myself from getting back in one which is like a whole other beast but I'll tell you a little run down about ADHD burnout I had no idea what this was I had never heard of adac burnout until like two months ago and of course somebody mentioned it maybe you someone online mentioned it and I was like what is this so I Googled it and the thing that popped up was the definition of my life so I'll read it for you this is when you Google ADHD burnout ADHD burnout is often something a little deeper it refers to the cycle of over committing and overextending that leads to fatigue in people with ADHD it involves taking on too many tasks and or commitments and then the subsequent exhaustion that happens when we are unable to fulfill all of our obligations wow I read that and I thought this is my whole life I have been I think I've been in the burnout cycle continuously my whole entire life and I've I've seen little pieces of like peace and calm which is the in-between burnout but it's very small it's very short and I'm right back in Burnout again right after that so um therapy has really helped me to like see that and speak and like recognize it but I'm still like I'm just now coming off of a burnout cycle because I had two full-time jobs I was doing the ADHD part like the ADHD page I was working a part-time for my mom and I homeschooled my daughter so I did the math and it was like four full-time jobs basically right yeah um but the problem is is I didn't even like realize that I was doing that I just was like this is all I know all I know is juggling 50 things at once um and so seeing that on Google really hit me in a way that was like oh my God this is this is not good like this is there's a name for this and it's called ADHD burnout and it probably don't want to be there like we probably need to get out of that so yeah I'm I'm working in therapy to like come off of that but also to stay off if not forever but like longer because inevitably I will probably end up doing four full-time jobs again right um but you know maybe I can recognize it and like come off of that quicker next time so that's what I'm working on um and like educating other adhders about burnout so that they can recognize it because I didn't even know that this was happening even though I had full-time four full-time jobs I didn't even realize that was the norm for me so um yeah now I have one full-time job I do the I do the Instagram and I'm coming down from ABAC burnout but just yesterday I told my husband I was like babe we should start teaching painting classes at breweries again because I used to do that right so I'm like and I caught myself and I was like no we don't need to do that so my therapist is like okay just because you can doesn't mean you should right um and just really looking at my calendar and making like really paying attention to my time and what I want to do with my time that is the biggest takeaway with ADHD burnout for me yeah I think it's so I think it's so important to to have labels for things so I think like being able to recognize ADHD burnout becomes so much easier when you know it's a thing like I think that's why yeah rejection sensitive dysphoria has really connected with so many people because it's like it's not even a real thing like you can't be diagnosed with having rejection sensitive dysphoria but by labeling it it really and kind of recognizing what it is it really helps you to be able to identify it and deal with it and it's the same with the ADHD burnout like you said I my my wife had mentioned a few weeks ago to me she's like um so it looks like you're starting a podcast um because you saw you know something I posted on Instagram I was like oh uh yeah I guess I didn't tell you that I'm just gonna do this and she's like you're kind of doing a lot um and it's so easy that's a good point because that's what happened is my family members and the ones that love me and the ones that are closest to me are the ones that call me out and be like um you're doing too much like you may want to reevaluate like what's going on are you sure you want to do this do you have time for this and like your wife is obviously very aware of like what's going on so it's very important to have someone near you that can like kind of call you out on it because you may not recognize that you're doing it and it sounds like you kind of are doing it yeah I agree I think that really helps because I she said that and I was like yeah what do you mean what's the big deal and she's like uh you're doing kind of a lot uh have you thought about what how much work this is going to be and I hadn't realized just like hey this sounds exciting I'm gonna do this and it makes sense for me to to do that and then I didn't really like evaluate like the work that was going to go into it so through that like it helped me to recognize like step back and like okay do does it make sense for the for me to actually do this should I do it and through that I decided okay I'm gonna do bi-weekly so I'm gonna do every other week episodes instead of every week because when I before I was like I'm gonna do it every week it's gonna be amazing that is on my agenda so there's that too but yeah but honestly that's one thing I love about adhders is like we are not afraid to be like I'm gonna start a podcast and I'm gonna start an Instagram and like there's a level of bravery or maybe stupidity I don't know you tell me um it's just naivety maybe of like I can take on the world but I like that we're brave enough to like try new things and see what sticks and like that's one of my favorite things about having ADHD is so I don't yeah I don't really want that to change for sure like I If there is a pill that took away my ADHD I wouldn't even consider like sure I would love some of the negative symptoms to go away but I love there's so much of me that uh that Omni potential as Dr William Dodson calls it that idea of like I can do anything as long as I can like get that energy and focus to do it and it's like the podcasting like I'm sure there's a lot of people out there they're like oh I could never do that um and for me I thought like hey should I do a podcast yeah I'm gonna do it this is gonna be amazing I'm gonna dive in really and learn everything I can and like tackle this new challenge and I love that about my brain that I just feel like anything is pretty much possible uh right if I'm energized enough to like take it on yeah I love that too that is probably my favorite quality of ADHD and I've gotten to do a lot of really cool things because I'm not afraid to like do cool things like some people are so like that's something I mean I hear adhders kind of complain about that part of them or they're like I never can stick to anything and like I yeah but I like the trying new things and seeing what sticks and I guarantee something will stick something is bound to stick like the odds are in our favor we try enough things like you could adore podcasting that could be your thing like that could be it so it's like it did take you all of these years of trying all these different things to to lead you here and I I kind of am like a hippie and I believe in some of that like everything happens for a reason and I think that like all of these crazy jobs that we've had have literally led us right here so I wouldn't really change any of that even though it was hard and kind of embarrassing sometimes to be job hopping all the time right I I don't want to be somewhere where I'm not happy I won't so that I don't really see anything wrong with that yeah for sure I don't know I think that's an awesome way to wrap this up right here I'd love to jump into shiny objects shiny objects I love to end the show with this it's basically just a time to talk about something you are excited about lately maybe it's a book or TV show something that is grabbing your interest and you're having you know it's just your current Obsession I two things because we're talking we talked about burnout I do I did just read the book um it's called burnout completing the burnout cycle something along those lines I'll send it to you so you could share it with them um but it is a great book about burnout and how to close the loop with the burnout cycle and it's fabulous read so I and I finished the entire book hyper Focus so I think uh I think other adhders would really like it as well and then my other thing is is I'll show you but I'll explain I don't know if you remember these pens from like when we were kids in the 90s if you seem like you're about my age but it's got the colors it's got the different color ink and you click it and like you can change the colors out I feel like there is such an ADHD product because it's clicky and it's multi-color like you can take notes with this bad boy like I'm obsessed with these little kid five-year-old pens any kind of any kind of like prod like any kind of thing that helps me take notes and helps me do my job like highlighters and pens and markers and stuff like is a big one for me because I need that visual like like creative side of everything right right yeah I love that it's it's kind of like a fidget toy built in with like a whole array of pens but and uh one little object it's perfect I don't know what it's like a multi-pen right yeah I don't know but uh I told my Instagram uh following I was gonna look up like maybe there's an a nicer adult version of this because this is my this is my daughter's pen and she's 12.

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um I stole it from her but yeah uh I'm hoping there's like a grown-up version of this awesome well if if you find that you'll have to let me know and we'll put it in the show notes so other people can check that out okay I'm Lisa Frank is that still a brand is that still around it better be that I feel like I colors the animals like yeah it's kind of I I feel like the sensory of the Trapper Keeper when I was growing up was big like oh yeah that really satisfying velcro yeah when you open that up yeah you just gave me two awesome so uh my shiny object I'll talk about a book I read it earlier this year uh or it was late last year called hell yeah or no and it's by Derek sivers uh and Derek simmers he's got several books he's written that they're all I don't think he has ADHD but they're all very ADHD friendly books because every like chapter is basically one to two pages so it's like really short chapters that are on certain topics well the title hell yeah or no sounds very ADHD yes yes that's pretty much how I live my life it's like hell yeah or no and that makes sense yeah so the book is the subtitle is what's worth doing and the book is all about sort of like evaluating basically when you have all these opportunities like choosing the ones not the ones that are like yeah that would be decent like no the ones you're really excited about like hell yeah I'm gonna take that on those are the things that you should really Embrace and like Chase down that passion otherwise say no like if it's if you're not a hell yeah you're a no and I love that yeah principle and just uh his books he has several other ones there's like four of them I think that are all the short chapter books and highly recommend it it's very very ADHD free oh nice yeah I'm gonna look that up when it's funny because I've actually been using that phrase if it's not a hell yes it's a no for like 10 years like that's been my like motto in life and I really do think that could be an ADHD motto it definitely definitely fits yeah yeah I'm gonna have to read that one I appreciate the recommendation hopefully I know I'm gonna buy it but can I get through the whole book that is the question I mean that's the the main reason I recommend it is because I I read like 30 of most books yeah but this one because those short chapters it's so easy to just be like Oh I'm gonna read a chapter real quick and then you read 20 Pages because you're just jumping through it and enjoying it oh good okay Oh yay that's exciting yeah and I felt the same way reading the burnout book but because it was just so in it it was talking about me so it was like reading a biography about myself because it's just like that's why I was able to hyper focus on it so I love when we can find books like that for our ADHD brains like it's really nice when you can find a book like that yeah for sure and since you mentioned that you're gonna be starting a podcast soon um I'm gonna recommend a second book that I just finished reading called stop asking questions it's by Andrew Warner and it's basically about like how to interview people and it's also I don't think he has ADHD or I have no idea but it's also very ADHD friendly with those short chapters and like example stories that don't overstay their welcome I feel like a lot of non-fiction books like hey this is a really long story to set up the premise and I'm like a paragraph and I'm like okay yeah but get to the where's the good stuff and this book does a really good job of having relevant okay stuff but it gets to the actionable content really nice so that's sweet that's exciting I'm gonna hit up the bookstore for uh being on the podcast uh I'd love to just like where can people follow you and see what you've got going on sure so really well earlier because usually I'm like like you can't do it um but it's my lady ADHD on Instagram and I have a website my lady ADHD um and it's just a community mostly women who are just now finding their ADHD diagnosis and just a lot of funny relatable content um kind of similar to what you're doing but you know we've I have there's a lot more females probably on my page than yours we just have different symptoms as men sometimes so different relatable content but yeah it's great Community they help me more than I help them um like I said but yeah you can find me on there and I will be launching the mylady80 HD podcast very soon awesome well I'll have links to all of that in the show notes you can go to ADHD to check that out as well as the full transcript thank you so much for being here this was amazing I know thank you for having me I can wait you're gonna invite me back right I get to come on weekly or bi-weekly right every week we'll just yeah we'll just do it okay let's do it we'll just talk about our favorite books and fidget toys

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